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| There are only a couple of things you can do with a pot of Vaseline this big |
And not much else.
Disappearing over the event horizon, nobody really knows what lies beyond (not in this part of the universe anyway).
All you can say with certainty is that there is no way back to where you came from.
I suppose that's true about any undertaking. Travel through time and space changes you in unexpected ways. And you'll never be who you used to be.
Swimming the channel may or may not be the biggest thing I ever undertake. Time will tell. Probably, though, whether I succeed or not, in retrospect, it'll be just another swim.
Only intermittently regaining my mojo, I figure I may have to carry on without it. My high level of resistance to swimming in cold water, open water, very warm water, virtually any water (although it has to be said that I love the shower in my ensuite) is, however, bordering on the hydrophobic.
At this point I might think to myelf, like some sort of fictitious traveller of inner worlds,"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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| Take some stuff, complete a 6 hr qualifying swim, soon. |
Post swim, almost every time, I feel uplifted, enthused, limp, replete, sated. My love affair is rekindled. A besotted and hopeless lover, I plot and contrive the next tryst.
Only to find myself getting cold feet before the next date.
Comparisons are odious. I see posts from others who are swimming the channel that are saying things like, "...only swam 50k this week, need to get serious for my Channel swim in 6 months," or, "...moving down to Dover for the rest of the season to train, my family and/or boss/job/wife can go to hell," or occasionally,"my bloody shoulders have fallen off."
I feel in turns totally inadequate, vaguely superior or I wonder to myself, "how badly do you want this thing Johnny boy?"
I won't bore you telling you how badly my training is going, how lazy or how tired I am. I'll just say, as the polite part of most of my school reports did, "could do so much better."
Over the years I have learned that when resistance does arise, the real gift is to be found on the other side of the perceived obstacle. But when I am tempted to push too hard I am comforted by what Lao Tzu said about this (or some similar situation):
"Who can make the muddy water clear? Let it be still, and it will gradually become clear. Who can secure the condition of rest? Let movement go on, and the condition of rest will gradually arise."
You could wait a very long time before the water in Dover harbour goes clear, mind you.
